Sustainable Happiness: Attention Pessimists

PESSIMISM - a tendency to see the worst aspect of things or believe that the worst will happen; a lack of hope or confidence in the future. A belief that this world is as bad as it could be or that evil will ultimately prevail over good.

OPTIMISM - hopefulness and confidence about the future or the successful outcome of something. The doctrine, especially as set forth by 17^th/18^th century German philosopher Leibniz, that this world is the best of all possible worlds.

Introducing…

REALISTIC OPTIMISM - A realistic optimist is defined as someone who looks on the bright side of life but has a realistic grasp on the present and what to expect in life.

Backlash, disbelief, disgust, false accusations, a keen dismissal, signs of anti-Pollyanna, unbelievable, out of touch with reality, insults, judgment, criticism, skeptical, point of making fun, happy idiot syndrome, impossible.

Signs of a pessimist in a conversation on happiness are highly apparent.

People have written books, articles, tv appearances all negating the positive effects positive psychology can have on someone’s life.

It is really hard to believe that America’s population is 17% optimally functioning and one in four people has a mental disorder.

So it never surprises me when I come across someone who has a hard time believing in the power of positivity.

The role of pessimism and optimism in sustainable happiness is a very important point to address.

Jinendra Swami, Messenger of Sustainable Happiness, taught me, ‘What you mind believes your body will achieve”

Dr Robert Muller, Holocaust survivor, Nobel Peace Award Nominee, Former Assistant Secretary General of the United Nations, Author of ‘Most of all they Taught me Happiness’ taught me about the power of intention.

When your intention and your beliefs align in a positive direction you are able to enhance your human experience.

During the dance of conflict in a conversation concerning sustainable happiness, I introduce the concept of realistic optimism.

A middle road of pessimism and optimism.

The main difference between the two is the notion of hope and empowerment.

Moving from hopeless to hopeful is a dynamic shift in your psychology.  One I have experienced multiple times.

When people have given up hope on traditional methods of feeling better, they are hopeless and pessimistic.

When discovering a sustainable happiness doctor or positive psychology, a lot of times, people cloud the experience with a projection that ‘this will never work’, ‘I’m your worst client’, ‘nothing works for me’

Encountering this mindset over and over, I see change.  I see results. I see hope when there was no hope.  I see happiness when there was depression.

In 2007, researchers at NYU discovered the optimism center of your brain. This point in the brain can be a cause of depression if not exercised. 

Here is a brain image: showing greater activity in brain’s rostral anterior cingulate cortex, 
TOP, and amygdala, BOTTOM, when subjects imagined positive future events.

So when sitting down with a pessimist, I ask…

What is your positive to negative thought ratio?

Usually the answer is tipped in the negative direction.

I use this as a ‘fact’ to show the pessimist that no matter what the topic may be, albeit happiness, marriage, business, etc, because of the skewed way of thinking then I am up against the general negative thinking ratio before I open my mouth.

This is a confronting experience for some as thinking of putting their thought habits in a ratio form is something new.

So I ask you…

What is your positive to negative thought ratio?

Is it what you want it to be?

How often are you feeling bad vs feeling good?

Do you want to change this thought ratio?

When learning the 5 steps to sustainable happiness this is a skill developed in steps two and three: positive mood and resiliency.

Realistic Optimism is key for your sustainable happiness.

Paying attention to developing your own optimism is essential for you to feel better now.

Listen to the discussion I have with @frandrescher about Realistic Optimism

Do you want to contribute to this conversation?

Dr Aymee Coget

Sustainable Happiness Doctor

Sfhappinessdoctor at gmail dot com

Author of Forthcoming book – Sustainable Happiness in 5 Steps 
www.happinessmakeover.com 

Sustainable Happiness: Happiness Science Makes it Possible

Why is happiness science so important?

It offers a choice.

It offers a choice to learn a skill of how to feel better.

When people seek the care of a mental health professional it is because they have no other alternative.

People jump off bridges because they feel they have no choice.

This choice is the absolute most powerful way to help someone who feels like devastation, depression and suicide are the only options.

This choice is based in a learning method that can be applied just as simple as arithmetic.

If I were to line up 100 people and ask them if they knew of positive psychology, 99 would most likely say NO.

This is a science that must be brought into the mainstream to show people they have a choice.

A choice beyond complaining about you problems.

A choice beyond blaming others for circumstances.

A choice beyond victimization and disempowerment.

A choice beyond taking medication which has a side effect of suicide, lethargy, weight gain, and loss of libido or even suicide.

If I were to ask you,

‘Would you like to become fat, never sleep again, never enjoy all that sex can offer, or potentially kill yourself?’

OR

‘Would you like to learn how to learn and implement happiness science in your daily life?’

What would be your answer?

Seems clear?!

Happiness leads to better health, sleep and lasting satisfying relationships.

What is stopping happiness science from being taught more widespread?

What is stopping people from knowing they have a choice?

What is stopping you from becoming empowered over your own happiness?

Instead of waiting for goal achievement, the right person, place, thing or circumstance, you could implement this science just like chemistry and math are part of your daily experience.

At some point we all have to take charge of ourselves.  I like to think about each person as a leader: a leader of your life.

Leaders are empowered.

Leaders have a choice.

Leaders can learn and lead by example.

If you are a leader and you are not positive, then you are a detriment to those who follow you.

You have a duty to work on your own self-improvement and positivity because of the 3 degrees of separation of emotional contagion. (according to 2008 Harvard research)

I am sure you want your loved ones to be positive and feel good.

I am sure you want peace on Earth where people are healthy, happy, laughing and smiling.

I am sure you want to feel empowered over your emotional and mental experience.

I am sure you want an upward spiral in your life.

Taking the first step is empowering yourself to make that choice.

Make the decision to be happy and start from there.

Your brain expands, neuroplasticity occurs, disorders are treated as you take a conscious action in employing positive psychology according to a 2010 research study. 

The first step in the 5 steps of sustainable happiness is EMPOWERMENT

This means you choose to empower yourself over your happiness and no longer wait for a person, place, thing, circumstance or goal achievement to in front of your happiness.

Your happiness no longer is a bi product. It is the bullseye of your life.

As you grow your attention on how to empower yourself over your own emotional well being and employ happiness science in your life, you can control and unleash your upward spiral.

I fondly call this ‘magic and rainbows’

I recommend declaring your own empowerment by signing this document in red ink and posting it on your refrigerator as a daily reminder.

This is a certification created by Lionel Ketchian, et al.  to help you fortify your empowerment over your personal experience of happiness. Lionel has sustained his happiness for greater than 20 years and it was based from his 24 hour commitment to making the happiness decision.  This is indeed the most important decision of your life.

The two skills to maintaining this decision are responding to circumstances with happiness and eliminating all negative thoughts. 

Happiness science is work.

Maintaining your sustainable happiness is work.

Recommitting to your own happiness decision is work.

Learning how to sustain the happiness decision is taught in steps two, three, four and five.

Making this first step, is the biggest step and the only step to make in order for a strong foundation of sustainable happiness to be built.

Do you want to choose empowerment?

Do you want to take the first step?

Do you want to make the happiness decision?

Do you want to learn how to sustain this for the rest of your life?!

Do you want to start your upward spiral today?

Do you want to contribute to this conversation?

Dr Aymee Coget

Sustainable Happiness Doctor

Sfhappinessdoctor at gmail dot com

www.happinessmakeover.com

Sustainable Happiness Skill: Bridge between Serenity and Turmoil

Acceptance is one of the biggest elephants in the room 
when it comes to sustainable happiness.

 

It is a prized skill that has the psychological power of Niagara Falls and Mount Everest combined.

This skill will help make or break your upward spiral.

One of the most challenging concepts in sustainable happiness is learning how to respond to circumstances with happiness.

With all the victimization, negative media, dramatic life events, it seems like responding to situations with happiness is a Pollyanna way of dealing with the negatives in life.

In some circles of thought, acceptance is one of the biggest gateways to emotional freedom and peace. Knowing what you can change and what you are unable to helps guide empowerment in any given situation.

One clear point: I am not encouraging you to be happy about bad things. I am encouraging you to think about a method to respond to negative circumstances so you can maintain a positive brain to handle situations in the best way.

I am encouraging you to respond to situations with prized life skills, one of which is acceptance.

This resiliency skill is of medium difficulty as it is taught after empowerment and positive mood yet before contentment and bliss.

Acceptance is a bridge between your serenity and turmoil.

When you can master the art of acceptance to the point of becoming a sustainable happiness master, you can navigate the ocean of life with a clear rudder guiding you in a wake of peace among the constant storms and tsunamis around every corner.

Learn my 5 Step Acceptance Model to be able to leap over life’s hurdles with clarity, peace and gratitude. 

Greet life’s challenge with purpose, consciousness and methods to steer your upward spiral in the right direction no matter what life throws at you each day.

Do you want to contribute to this conversation?

Dr Aymee Coget

Sustainable Happiness Doctor

happinessdoctorinsf  at gmail dot com

www.happinessmakeover.com 

Sustainable Happiness Skill: Merging into the Infinite with Present Moment Awareness

Infinite time , space , opportunity. 

What a concept!

Right now you probably want more time, more space and more opportunity.

Right now you may feel a shortness of breath because there is not enough time, not enough space and not enough opportunity.

Right now you may experience a multitude of thoughts in any given moment and change the view of your eyesight rapidly without much conscious awareness.

If you are feeling a lack of _____, you may feel a shortness of breath or like opportunities are forgotten.

Present moment awareness could help you.

If you are feeling stressed, anxious, unhappy, scared, frustrated, sad, confused, or any emotion outside of happiness, present moment awareness could help you.

Present moment awareness seems like a foreign language to most let alone a clear understanding of practical steps to merge beyond the experience of time.

Working ‘on the clock’ is unnatural for our human spirit, it is a way of working that evolved in the mechanistic informational age when humans were told to work like machines.

Lack of time drives some to suicide, heart attacks, stroke, divorce, depression, anxiety, and more…

A recent Harvard study showed on average most people think about something other than what they are doing right now 47% of the time and this causes unhappiness. 

What can you do about? Where can you go? What can you read? What app can you download?

How can you proactively learn how to live in the now?

Imagine being free from time.

Imagine feeling at ease and in your own flow all day everyday.

Imagine a freedom without the stress of time.

Imagine always meeting your friends, family and colleagues at the perfect moment.

Imagine parking in the perfect spot all of the time.

Imagine a mind absent of thought, calm like a tranquil pond.

Imagine operating in the optimal flourishing state of life: flow. 

Imagine the words rush, hurry and ‘dead’line, are removed from your experience.

In 2006, I actively pursued living in the moment, because of one of my mentors Dr. Bob Nozik who has achieved sustainable happiness for 25 years. In his book, Happy for Life: Here’s how to do it, he indicates the need for present moment awareness. This made me reflect on our modern day gurus who promoted living in the now, yet I never truly grasped what actually can happen when time expands into the infinite.  

I knew it was important, yet unsure why, or how to do it, I set out on an unknown path to train myself to stop thinking about the future or the past so I can be present.

I worked diligently moment to moment to train my brain to live in the now.  It took 6 months of active training yet I finally ‘arrived in the now’ and never looked back.  

Now, I successfully have lived in the moment for 8 consecutive years.

The amount of ease, flow and serendipity/synchronicity in my life has become ever present. The absence of stress, anxiety, or discontent is blissful.

Living in this moment has helped create peace in my heart, mind and soul.  

This is a sink or swim skill of sustainable happiness.

Learn my 5 steps to living in the moment to see your life change, your moments expand into the infinite and let bliss burst in your heart <3 

Untie Yourself from Time and Unleash your Upward Spiral

Do you want to contribute to this conversation?

Dr Aymee Coget
Sustainable Happiness Doctor
Sustainablehappinessdoctor at g mail dot com
www.happinessmakeover.com

Authenticity : Proactive & Practical Path to Contentment

Authenticity : Owning and acting in accordance with your true self. 

Authenticity is a buzz word in today’s leading edge circles. 

When I gave a speech in Mountain View, CA on the topic, the room was jam packed wall to wall and people were standing.

Our culture craves authenticity.

The reason you crave authenticity is because there is so much in-authenticity in our daily lives.

And in yourself.

Most people are still seeking the answer to life’s big question:

Who am I?

You fight this question all day every day.

Problems leading to in-authenticity and discontent include: 

1) Listening to others beyond yourself

2) Being to busy to make time to self reflect.

3) Being out of touch with the voice inside.

4) Encountering 48 barriers to authenticity

You are told who we are and who you ought to be by our job, family, culture, religion, and education.

You have lost touch with the seed of your own soul’s voice because you focus on the external world so much and pleasing those around you.

As you are externally driven in your achievements, your driving, your eating, your job, and with your family, this leaves little room for self exploration.

Self reflection and introspection are imperative to your heart’s deepest levels of contentment.

Beyond the focus of whatever is going on outside of yourself, you have an absent mindedness where 47% of the time you are thinking of something that isn’t really going on.

If you are listening to others over yourself, if you are never allotting time for your own self reflection, you probably are also out of touch with your own inner voice.

There is a difference from the truth in our mind versus the truth in your heart. The truth in your mind is convoluted with your subconscious belief system and your conscious struggle in achievement and pursuit of inner peace. 

This voice in your heart is where your secret to contentment lies.

Your mind is to smart and will justify things are the way they are or how they should be. 

Your heart simply knows your soul’s truth.

When asked the right questions within the right process, contentment is possible as a real sustainable result.

When you have contentment in your heart, you feel a bold fulfillment in your heart’s center that is ever present, opposite of an empty feeling inside, separate from your emotional state.   

Peace of mind is possible at this point, making the mind a tranquil pond.

Beyond asking the right questions and following the right process, you have to allow empowerment, positive mood and resiliency to be your focus before you are truly able to reach the depths of your contentment.

The depths and breath of the complexity of authenticity are beyond most peoples understanding of the topic.  

Seems simple, right? Just be yourself.

Who knew there were 48 barriers you would potentially have to get though to be totally authentic.

Knowing the answer to Who Am, I then being able to achieve relational transparency is the next step.

Authenticity is owning and acting in accordance with your true self.

Owning your true self takes time. Acting as your true self also takes time.

Not only does it take time, it takes persistence, diligence, acceptance and confidence to overcome any of 48 barriers to authenticity.

I had a 3 month leadership experience in graduate school where I ‘tested’ my authentic leadership and discovered I encountered 30 of the 48 barriers that can steer us toward inauthenticity.

After so much attention and the belief I was being authentic, it was a hard awakening to see the stark difference between what I am saying and what I am thinking and feeling inside.

This led me to a gigantic leap in my self awareness, personal authenticity and gave me true insight on how I was relating with the people I was leading.

The path of authenticity is a spectrum.  It is situational. It is developmental and ever evolving. 

As the development of contentment takes time and effort, once achieved, it is like surfing the best wave life has to offer.

As we all are on the path of self actualization, we need to allow our authenticity to unfold naturally, with conscious awareness, acceptance and confidence. You must spend time with yourself asking the deeper questions and being true to yourself ir-regardless of the barriers we constantly face to develop our truest and deepest heart’s contentment.

Contentment as a form of sustainable happiness.

Authenticity as a construct of Contentment.

21 steps to reach eudaimonia or sustainable contentment.

I am offering a Proactive and Practical Path to Contentment.

This is an illumination of step four of the five steps of sustainable happiness. 

Would you like to contribute to this conversation?

* Note *

For more information on my dissertation research: 

Toward authentic leadership crisis prevention: identification of barriers to relational authenticity in self-awareness

Authenticity Talk 

Part 1

Part 2

Dr Aymee Coget

Sustainable Happiness Doctor 

sfhappinessdoctor at gmail dot com

www.happinessmakeover.com