Unhappiness comes from many things.
Some say brain chemistry.
Some say negative
situations.
Some say lack of self
awareness.
Some say lack of present
moment awareness.
Some say lack of money.
Some say lack of faith.
Some say lack of optimism.
Some say lack of meaning or
purpose.
There are so many reasons
people claim to be unhappy.
I have heard it all and
each unhappy person thinks they are the worst case.
As you probably know, women
tend to be more depressed more often than men.
Statistics say double the amount!
Statistics say double the amount!
Men tend to remain quiet
about their struggle with depression and unfortunately a lot of times end up
taking their own lives.
I conversed with
hundreds of people about their happiness or lack there of and I have
found a pattern among women.
A block to their bliss.
It is ingrained deep in the
female psychology.
The desire to be a ‘Good
Woman’
This pattern is based in
the work of Distinguished Professor Carol
Gilligan’s in feminism and identification of the self.
The good woman stereotype.
This ‘good woman’ puts
everyone else’s happiness before her own. She believes when everyone
around her is happy she will be too. Then complication sets in when
day to day experiences unfold. This includes a multitude of external situations
of life and how people’s emotional reactions are a roller coaster in response
to them. The good woman ties herself to
any situation to ‘aid’ in the betterment of those she loves.
Little does she know her
self sacrifice is actually harming the situation at hand!
This pattern among women is
a barrier that must be addressed when it comes to the inability to grasp
happiness from the inside; let alone sustain it.
I have heard from women all
over the world from each continent tell me the same thing.
They focus on those around
them instead of themselves.
Gilligan calls this
the ethic
of care.
Understandably so, women
are care takers. We are self sacrificial for those we love. We would
throw ourselves in front of a bus for our loved ones life to be saved.
Some may argue this is a
virtuous quality, yet it is highly consequential of one’s own well being.
The more we focus on those
around us the less we focus on ourselves hence depression and disease ensue.
The good woman, forgets what
it is like to be herself or care for herself because her servitude has become
so deeply ingrained in her psyche.
This ethic of care, seems
to be in the female DNA and is a culprit of a lot of misery and unhappiness in
women.
Putting the good woman to the side for a moment …
The 14th Dalai
Llama encourages us
“We can never obtain peace in the outer world
until we make peace within ourselves.”
Dr. Gilligan verifies most women are looking outside of themselves
for happiness by making those around them happy, and the Dalai Lama guides us
to find peace within ourselves : an inner struggle occurs and unhappiness is
the consequence.
The very idea that we can ‘make someone else happy’ is a misnomer.
Only you can become emotionally empowered.
Only you can create a frequent positive mood.
Only you can be resilient when faced with adversity.
Only you can develop deep inner contentment.
Only you can achieve states of bliss and joy.
Again, led in the wrong direction by our societal mainstream and
DNA patterning.
What is the role of the good woman stereotype in depression and
sustainable happiness?
PSYCHOLOGY
Esteemed gender psychologist articulates the notion of care of
others over care of self.
SPIRITUALITY
World-renowned spiritual teacher guides us to create inner peace
before service of others.
SCIENCE & MEDICINE
One in five women are depressed according to leading edge medical
research at the Mayo
Clinic.
Generation after generation, women are taught this misnomer of
behaving like the good woman.
Put others before yourself.
When it comes to happiness, this is clearly a failed strategy!
I would like to propose a different path toward happiness.
One that provides emotional empowerment, a program to create frequent
positive mood, practical tools for resiliency, a clear road map for contentment
and quick tips to bliss.
Follow the advice of the airlines, first save yourself then save
the person next to you.
When you have achieved inner happiness, it contagiously spreads up
to three degrees according to Harvard
research in 2008.
Instead of following the generationally taught good woman behavior
of tending others before self; I want to encourage you to listen to the Dalai
Llama and focus on self before others.
Happy Wife = Happy Life
Obviously you care about the happiness of those around you yet I
am offering a different strategy than the good woman for better results for you
and your loved ones.
Let your loved ones feel your own warmth, empowerment, positivity,
resiliency, contentment and bliss through emotional contagion. Live by example.
Instead of
Forgetting yourself, sacrificing yourself, seeking to blindly fulfill
impossible needs of those around you; which leaves you feeling stressed, vacuous
and discontent. Consequently this behavior creates shallow relationships based
on the ever-changing landscape of external reality.
Which one leads to greater states of bliss and enhanced well being
of everyone involved?
Learn my 5 Steps to Sustainable Happiness and see your life and
those around you uplift. See the benefits of learning how to be happy from the
inside and care take those around you by offering the experience of being happy
yourself.
What kind of life you can create from this place.
Bliss is no longer blocked; it is mind blowing.
Would you like to contribute to this conversation?
Dr Aymee Coget
Sustainable Happiness Doctor
Sfhappinessdoctor at gmail dot com
Author of Forthcoming Book : Sustainable Happiness in 5 Steps
