Toward Gratitude Embodiment

This blog is outlined with my personal experience of gratitude, the current state of Thanksgiving celebration (admittingly with sarcasm and a bent toward vegetarianism), and a practical approach to implementing gratitude as a daily practice with a goal of gratitude embodiment.

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In 1995 when I was 19 years old, I packed my car and drove to Hollywood, CA. 3,000 miles away from my hometown is where I found my deep long lasting gratitude in life.

Here is my path to the embodiment of gratitude.

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I grew up in a privileged community, where the streets are safe, there are rarely any crimes, and in fact, no fast food restaurants were allowed in city limits.

My family was ‘normal.’ I had loving parents, a younger sister and a dog named Bliss.  I played athletics and had fun with my friends.

After high school, instead of accepting two full ride scholarship opportunities for athletics, I worked three jobs and followed my dreams to California. Little did I know the profound awakening I would have to the deepest sense of gratitude imaginable.

This was my first experience living outside of my suburban ‘bubble.’

While living for 3 months in the center of Hollywood, I encountered the following for the first time in my life:

Homelessness

10 year old gang members selling crack

14 year old male and female prostitutes

A land lady with multiple personality disorder – who lived next door

Skunks in the garage

People who would talk to you only if you could do something for them

A $5 Christmas bonus from a billion dollar family

In one of my first days of beginning my California dreams, I was looking for an apartment.  I was driving down Hollywood Boulevard at 7am on a Saturday morning and I saw something that would be placed in my memory forever.  

I watched a man barely crawl as he was dragging himself on the sidewalk.  He was dirty and dressed in rags.  He had no legs, no wheelchair and no one around him. 

This was one of the most pitiful moments I experienced that made me reflect on exactly what I had in life that a lot of others were without.

Health

Love

Kindness

Support

Safety

Encouragement

Opportunity

Just to name a few. 

After three months of giving the Hollywood life a ‘go’, I decided to move back home to pursue college education.

I would have never guessed how this short trip would have spearheaded my education all the way from age 20 – 32. 

Showing me the value of education was just one lesson Hollywood shared with me, the other was a profound sense of gratitude that actually put me into therapy.

Upon my return home, I would cry every moment I realized a sense of privilege in my life.  I literally was balling my eyes out one day while reading each chapter of Chicken Soup for the Soul. 

It became my mission to become a Gratitude Ambassador and espouse this value on younger generations (whom I was coaching in sport). I wanted to impart on to them, exactly how much privilege they have in life.  I did my best to enlighten them the only problem they have in life is to know where they are going for midwinter break and that was a blessing!

After a few months of literally crying over French fries at a diner  (because I was so grateful for food, warmth and safety) I decided to go to see a therapist.

I became an endless pool filled with tears of gratitude.

After a few sessions of therapy, I understood what was happening to me and I was okay with it.

I built my character strength of gratitude. Gratitude is a psychological state that aids in boosting happiness. My tears of gratitude actually led me to access tear based states of joy and bliss.

It is a skill and a practice.

It is a prized human experience as it allows your heart to open, expand, breath deep, and open to a sense of fulfillment and contentment. 

In the immortal words of the singer Sheryl Crow, ‘It’s not what you want, it’s what you got.”

When taking the VIA Character strengths test, which is Positive Psychology’s way of helping you understand what is good about you,

I found out gratitude is my second greatest strength and I was in the 100 percentile of my experience.

Now, I teach gratitude in my 5 step process of sustainable happiness.

It is based in step 2: creating a positive mood and is encouraged as part of a daily morning routine with special guidance. 

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This life event triggered the profound sense of gratitude, which has become more of an embodiment over my lifetime.  In 2007, I published a chapter in a book similar to Chicken Soup for the Soul, yet it highlighted stories of inspiration in tragedy when gratitude literally seems impossible. This chapter takes a view of how I look at a lot of the life challenges I encountered through the lens of gratitude. The chapter is called Thank God I was Fat, Ugly, Poor, Divorced and live in Chronic Pain.  The theme of the chapter explained how I came to understand sustainable happiness was within myself.

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NOTE - Even though my childhood years were mostly happy and care free, I had many larger challenges over the course of my lifetime.

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When it comes to Thanksgiving and when the rest of America focuses on their gratitude, it makes me reflect even deeper at the collectivist messages of a profound character strength.

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In 2014, never would I have guessed my current thinking around this gratitude based holiday would have become so extreme.

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I have witnessed Americans fight and turkeys die.

Days prior to Thanksgiving, Americans are in uproar and violent protests for racism.

I hear about turkeys attacking humans ?!

(My grandparents own land where wild turkeys live.  It is hard for me to imagine this!)

I watched a video where the President ‘pardons’ a turkey from being slaughtered and he calls it ‘puzzling’. Later this video would go viral due to social criticism.

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Most of the American population celebrated this holiday with eating a turkey. A lot of organizations and values of thought are against this mass slaughtering of an animal for human celebration. Therefore, creating a controversy akin to abortion!

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I even saw a cartoon where an American Childhood icon, Big Bird of Sesame Street was dead and decapitated in the center of the table.   His ‘friends’ from Sesame Street were looking like they could hardly wait to ‘devour’ him. 

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Gratitude is practiced while feasting around a dead animal, drinking intoxicants, & watching violent sports.

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And the good ole American way, espouses the ‘pursuit’ of happiness so of course the conversations in the media and among social circles is one of consumerism on the following day, ‘Black Friday.’ Which is racially controversial.

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At the end of the day, people pass out due to the tryptophan in turkey, and drift away in the midst of intoxification, family drama, with violent sport highlights swarming among their heads anticipating consumerism early the following morning.

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Not to mention all the violence that breaks out in shopping malls and stores, as Americans must ‘get the best deal’ putting their fellow humanity behind obtaining the right object for the right price. Promoting materialism.

Mass Slaughter, Intoxification, Violent Sports, Consumerism, Materialism

Seem to be the current celebration of Thanksgiving.

It’s nice that Americans want to think about gratitude once a year wrapped in the gift wrap of killing, drinking, attack, buying, and having. <insert sarcasm>

How does this truly reflect the essence of Gratitude?

You may wonder, what I did on Thanksgiving. I consciously created grateful thoughts moment to moment. I spent the day with loved ones providing acts of kindness, fasted in the name of all turkeys, and watched a movie on a natural disaster where a family beats the impossible and survives thus furthering my gratitude awareness even deeper.

Instead of thinking about gratitude once a year through a warped lens, I encourage you to move toward the embodiment of gratitude.

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I would love to introduce a new way for Americans and others around the world to develop a daily gratitude practice that touches your heart instead of leading you astray. 

5 Steps to experiencing Gratitude Daily

1. Pick something you do everyday (brushing teeth, drinking coffee, exercise, shower, etc)
2. Decide to do a gratitude practice during this time
3. Set a time to start and end your gratitude practice (30 seconds to 1 min)
4. Use the structure: "I am grateful for ____ because it adds ____ to my life."
5. Never repeat.

Creating a gratitude practice is recommended by happiness science and my sustainable happiness mentors.

"Research shows that expressing gratitude positively correlates with life satisfaction, optimism, longevity, and lower levels of anxiety and depression (Peterson & Seligman, 2004). One of the most widely used interventions for boosting this VIA character strength is the act of counting one’s blessings." 

Dr. Bob teaches the difference between gratitude and appreciation being gratitude is the output and appreciation is the input.

Jinendra Swami, Messenger of Sustainable Happiness taught me how to access deep gratitude by teaching me the structure of gratitude.

I remember one conversation with Swami Jinendra where he coyly said,

“Aymee, if you are breathing, you need to be grateful.”

It is true, you are given the gift of life; to experience it, to be in it, to have the human experience.

We can move away from the messages of astray during this time of year and ‘boil’ our experience down to the simplest of life; a single breath.

Imagine our global population moving to become gratitude embodiment. 

Where each thought was grateful. 

We are grateful for our breath, our legs, our food, our shelter, our family, our pets, our parks, our planet, and the list is infinite.

I inspire you to adopt a gratitude practice daily with the goal of becoming an embodiment of gratitude.

Dr Aymee Coget

Sustainable Happiness Doctor

Author of Forthcoming Book : Sustainable Happiness in 5 Steps

sfhappinessdoctor at gmail dot com

www.happinessmakeover.com
5 Steps Audio Program

Ode to Dr Bob at The Happiness Club - A Sustainable Happiness Mentor

There have been a few leading mentors I have found when it comes to sustainable happiness. Learning from real people who have sustained their happiness greater than 20 years are the people who have taught me everything they know.

One of my main teachers is Dr. Bob Nozik, Professor Emeritus at the University of California in San Francisco.  He was a Physician and Ophthalmologist who specialized in UV-Itis and now he is retired and teaching happiness.  It took him 20 years to develop his almost 30 years of sustainable happiness.

He has written the best book I have found on sustainable happiness to date and is the only required reading in the leadership program called The Happiness Makeover. His book is called Happy 4 Life: Here’s How to do it 

Dr. Bob has mentored me through challenges in all area of my life including academic, professional, family, love, and personal. 

Sometimes I would call him with my extreme challenges and ask “How can I possibly be happy about <fill in the blank>?”

He always had an answer for me and never once failed in ‘showing me the light’ in any possible challenge I could suggest. 

Since 2003, we have worked together in many ways and recently he invited me to his happiness club meeting in Lafayette, CA.  About 30 people were in attendance and I was to discuss Sustainable Happiness in 5 Steps. 

One month prior was Dr. Bob’s 80^th birthday, so I decided to do something special.  I wrote him an ODE and gave him 2 meaningful gifts.  One gift was a picture of him and I in a frame that looks like we are on television. This is because we once tackled producing a television show on happiness together that ended up giving us both a lot of laughs! The second is a frame with Dr Bob and Lionel Ketchian.  Lionel is the founder of The Happiness Clubs worldwide.   This is special relationship because Dr Bob and Lionel have been sustainable happy for a combined 52 years!   

His life and teachings have been so incredibly impactful in my life and those I teach I wanted to share with you this special moment in time capturing one of my favorite sustainable happiness teachers. 

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Dr Bob, You have helped me see the color of life through so many lenses <3

ODE TO DR BOB

Without Thee

I would have

Never seen

That which

Takes those

Opposite of Bliss

You have empowered

Me beyond my

Own belief

Through thick and thin

You have

Been there

Around each

Corner to

Smile with

Me to help

Me see the

Biggest and most

Powerful

Path to

Inner Enlightenment

And Inner Peace

Through the

Overcoming of

Whatever life

May have

Shown me.

I on behalf

Of all those

You have touched

Are graced

With your

Wisdom.

Our lives

Have changed

Acceptance, 

Self Love

Self Esteem

Handling mistakes

Gratitude and Appreciation

Present moment living

Pollyanna’s game

Optimism

LASTING HAPPINESS

Most of all the

The biggest gift

I an everyone

Has seen is the opportunity

To grow and change

By identifying

The inner critic

This beast

This illusion

This self creation

Is someone

Who

Blocks everyone

From that

Which

Whom we are all

Meant to be

Thank you Dr Bob for giving

Us this gift

That lets us

See and

Be set free!!!

If you want to see me weep tears of joy while reading the poem or listen to me talk about Sustainable Happiness in 5 Steps, you can watch this video of The Happiness Club.

Dr Aymee Coget

Sustainable Happiness Doctor

Author of Forthcoming Book : Sustainable Happiness in 5 Steps

sfhappinessdoctor at gmail dot com

www.happinessmakeover.com
5 Steps Audio Program

Bleak Reality of Wellness at Work Today & Happiness Science to the Rescue to ensure a Bright Future for Tomorrow

For 18 years I have been in a conversation concerning happiness in the work environment including leadership, culture, and ROI. I have seen this topic from multiple lenses including the perspectives of university business students, management professors, investors, C-Level, executive, middle management, entrepreneurs, Human Resources, training and development, employees, spouses and children.  I have seen it across industries including, legal, finance, healthcare, architecture, engineering, hospitality, non-profit, media, education and politics.

Problem - Stress has become an acceptable experience at work which compromises health, relationships and performance.

Solution - Learn and use happiness science to improve well-being, relationships and performance.

Let me share a few examples depicting the current state of happiness at work or lack there of in a 24 hour time frame.

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7pm I meet with a 31 year old start-up investor who discusses how he wants to add wellness as a part of his offering in addition to business and finance.

He told me he has seen too many 45 year old men cry from stress in the boardroom.

He has seen too many start -up CEOs burn out and lose their mental and physical well-being. 

He has decided to do something about it.

He admits he too has an unquenchable thirst for success, admitting he is always wanting bigger better more faster.

(He was not even born in America!)

We engaged in a fast moving 2 hours over happiness in the work environment.

(From 7-9pm because this is his only ‘free time’.)

When I was encouraging the idea of speaking truthfully of emotional experience at work, he countered with the notion, people would rather die than share with their team a weak moment, a break down, or even a tear.

I countered back with organizational values.   If an organization espouses, honesty, integrity, authenticity, or wellness in any way,  

Honesty is the only answer.

These break downs at work happen every day.

Everyone has experienced that day at work where you literally lose it, know someone who has or have witnessed it as a bystander.

I am a fortunate one in that people show me this side of themselves day in and day out.

As a happiness expert, most of my time is spent in places of need, in great unhappiness or stress.

The story of the investor is just one.

Here is another,

I know an architect who is working on global offices for many of the top tech firms.  She works in a deadline driven environment and knows the stress she is walking into every single day. Thus starting her day fighting anxiety before she even gets to the office.

In fact, she is the wellness advocate/leader and specialist in her area of office architecture.  Her stress is so high, she smokes cigarettes for relief, and she suffers from consistent shoulder pain.  She had a boss who was in the hospital for a stroke from stress at work in which she visited him in the hospital.  She observes her team members unable to eat or take breaks due to insane deadlines.  The boss says things like, "We don't want you to suffer from burn out", while recognizing the insane consistent 14 hour work days yet nothing actually changes. Sometimes she gets home at 2am only to go to work again at 7am.  She wants a new job.

The firm she works with is consistently seeing an increase in the client's desire to build in ‘wellness’ in the physical architecture, yet when it comes to creating wellness in a mental or physical health manner in their own firm, there is room for improvement.

Here is another story,

I know a restaurant manager who has barely had a day off in weeks.  She works day and night because one of her coworkers suffered from an extreme health condition and went on medical leave.  When I suggested the hiring of a new manager to help her, she said the corporate office doesn’t care and was not giving permission to hire someone. She is not the only one, several other employees are suffering from physical and emotional detriment from this overworking.  This continued for months before someone new was hired and the employee under medical leave was unable to return to work. Her personal life has been compromised and her relationship is strained.

Here is another story,

In a work meeting a member of the team shed tears. A psychologist was on staff and noticed something was ‘off’, with a simple, “Are you ok?” She started crying. She had it with her family drama, absent boyfriend, moving to a new city, being in career transition, and ill health.  The team took a moment to hug and console her before they started talking business. She is the CEO of a tech start up and was about to make major decisions about future strategy.

This few moments of honesty, authenticity, and integrity stunned her.

In her 15 years in the banking industry, never would she have cried.  She thanked her team for making a safe environment for her to be herself and have real emotions.

If she held this emotion in then it would have compromised her well-being and the productivity of the meeting.

With her sadness expressed instead of repressed, the meeting continued for 3 hours of inspiring conversation based in a real life story and human need.

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Leadership includes emotions.

It is impossible for work to be emotionless as long as humanity is involved.

The mechanistic age of viewing workers needs to come to an end.

Well-being

Wellness

Mental health

Physical health

Happiness

Stress reduction

Whatever it is your organization decides to call it, it needs to be a priority.

No more can mental and physical health be compromised in a work environment.

Research evidenced many benefits when it comes to mental flourishing.

The time has come where organizations are espousing wellness even more than ever yet it still seems it is treated as a ‘perk’ or ‘lip service’.

I consider it a human right.

Happiness science to the rescue.

Dr Aymee Coget

Sustainable Happiness Doctor

Author of Forthcoming Book : Sustainable Happiness in 5 Steps

sfhappinessdoctor at gmail dot com

www.happinessmakeover.com
5 Steps Audio Program